i really have not felt like myself lately. i just don't want to get out of bed. the only place i see other than my house is jcpenney and i love my job enough to stay, but honestly i've been putting up with so much that it's becoming too stressful. there are nights i can't sleep and days i can't stay awake. i have always had this problem but ever since this job it is becoming difficult just to get out of bed and shower. it's not the job, really. i enjoy it. i enjoy it even though i have fought myself enough not to quit working there. college is excellent, but i am running out of money quickly. i only have $74 left in my bank account. this check comes in on friday and i'm going to guess it'll be about $323. after i pay the cable bill that should leave me some left to save. i think i want to cut my debit card in half. i am spending more than i have and it's not healthy, my mom was laid off last month and here i am spending money. i don't need anything, so i don't know why i have such a compulsion to spend. every now and then i see something at work that i like, but i won't get it because i know that's money i could keep. i don't have money in my checking account which is a good thing, all of my paychecks go into savings and there is nothing that is automatically debited out of either accounts. i turn eighteen in two and a half months and i need to have a car, and i want to save up at least two thousand dollars before then. it's doable. i get my job at H&R Block back in january which means i'll make more money until april again and in october i was thinking about working at party city seasonally. it's just for halloween, but every little bit counts. and i'm okay with that. i need to have money. i want a car, but i don't even have my license yet, i actually don't even know how to drive. i know how to make the car....go. hahaha. but that's it. actually i can make pretty good right turns, because i am right handed. but left turns are hard when it comes to staying in my lane. i don't really understand my mom's van either. i wouldn't mind getting a small car. i wanted a truck. but not so much anymore. police academy is way more important than anything to me right now. all i need is this uniform and a badge with my name on it.
i will wear my uniform with pride and courage. i will respect myself, fellow officers, and those who help me along my journey.
i will wear my uniform knowing that i may not come home that night. i will carry with me the memory of those who fell in the line of duty to protect and serve this county and this state.
i'm getting a tattoo for my birthday but other than that i'm not sure about anything else. i know i am going to file my own tax return when i go back to work for block, because i will get about a thousand or so dollars back and i can put it towards a car. i am easily tempted to buy things when i am sad. i am easily tempted to buy things when i am miserable, or sick, or something isn't going right in my life because i temporarily feel a loss of pressure after seeing the new item(s) in my hand. i am okay. but then two weeks later i decide that i hate what i just bought and there's no point in wearing it anymore. i have more clothes than i actually need and i don't take my debit card to work.
i wouldn't mind taking a second job now, but the only thing is i would have to quit before january.
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